Why women must find the words to express who we really are

“When we describe ourselves in limited terms, it makes us feel…limited.”

“When we describe ourselves in limited terms, it makes us feel…limited.”

Ladies, I'm going to get deep. 

I want to talk about how telling our stories helps us actually be who we are.

Your big-S Self

I've been listening to Oprah's Super Soul Sunday podcast, which, a year ago, I would have rolled my eyes at, but which I now find legitimately inspiring. It is a helpful way to bring a bit of the sacred into my everyday life, which is something I very much want to do. 

I've been listening, in particular, to her conversations this year with Eckhart Tolle about the difference between our little-s self, and our big-S Self. Our little-s self is the thoughts in our head. It's the conditioned part of us. Our big-S Self, on the other hand, is the pure essence of who we are. 

Too often, when we talk about ourselves — at dinner parties, at networking events, and in the flow of everyday life — we are talking about our little-s selves. We emphasize external markers like title and affiliation ("I'm a director, I went to Yale") that we think signify something about us that will help us get ahead (whatever "get ahead" might mean to us — make more money, be taken more seriously, you name it). 

But when we describe ourselves in these limited terms, it makes us feel… limited. Even if we aren’t aware of it on a conscious level, deep down, the superficiality and insufficiency of it feels inauthentic, and makes us feel small, and unseen.

Be impeccable with your word(s)

In The Four Agreements by Don Miguel Ruiz (which, by the way, is a book that, like The Artist’s Way, changed my life), Ruiz talks about the importance of being “impeccable” with our word, because it is through our words that we express our creative power. Let me say that again: It is through our words that we express our creative power.

This isn’t just for authors and poets. “Creative power,” taken literally, means the power to create. In other words, then, language is the tool we use to create…ourselves, our lives, our world. So we need to choose our words mindfully, and use them to create that which we most deeply want.

“Humans are storytellers. It is our nature to make up stories, to interpret everything we perceive. Without awareness, we give our personal power to the story and the story writes itself. With awareness, we recover the control of our story. We see we are the authors and if we don't like our story, we change it.”  - Don Miguel Ruiz

Discover the language that lights you up

I invite you to decide that it’s time to find the language to express your big-S self. Whether it's with me or otherwise, find the words that, when you say them, there’s this feeling of rightness. Maybe you’ll feel excited — I often know my work is done when my client says, “Ooooh.” Or maybe you’ll feel a calm, warm sense of connection — connection to yourself.

The more we have the language for expressing who we are, the easier it becomes to BE who we are. And the more we commit to being our true selves, the more we become the biggest expressions of ourselves, sharing our light with the world.

What story will you tell?